It was just a matter of time.

Last December, it hit me that in a matter of four months, I will be stepping into the world of the big "four-oh".   Having realized this (as if I was previously in a state of perpetual denial), I made a resolution to create a new life for myself.

So what I did was do the most sensible thing as far as I think any well-meaning individual in search for a more meaningful life would do--pray and look for a mentor.  Someone who, I had hoped, has the moral ascendency, and yet possesses a non-judgmental disposition; a person who makes a positive and empowering difference in other people's lives as a way of expressing one's faith, and yet, doesn't have any messianic complex of changing the world but having no time for the next door neighbor.

I was praying for someone who would temporarily guide me in my journey in a more up close and personal dimension.  And guess what.

I found her.

As if one day it just sprouted from the ground, on my way to work I saw a simple, small establishment open for the public with a tarpulin that invites people to seek for more balance and harmony in their lives through healing and meditation.  The place is called, Bilancia--a center for healing and prayer.  Outside is the statue of the Virgin Mary and below it, a box to put in petitioned prayers.  It also said to try their meditation room..for repose. 

Hmmm...interesting.  Never thought such a place would exist right across two bars who peddles scantily clad women during nighttime.  

I peered in and the small, clean yet busy office greeted me back through a gray-haired woman who smiled at me with gentle eyes.

"Anything I can do for you?"

Smiling sheepishly, I explained through her that I was interested in some of the programs she posted at the tarpulin outside of her center.  She ushered me into the meditation room, which was as I had previously hoped, an utterly relaxing atmosphere where you can sense the remaining divinity in this world. 

Disarmingly, she engaged me in a conversation that allowed me to share some of my concerns--even some very private ones.  I told her that I went through things in my life that needed healing, and that I am also in search for a more meaningful way of living, as well as a spirituality that I can be finally at home with.

"So you would like to go through the whole program?"  She asked plainly.

The whole program?

The whole program would mean counselling, oriental healing, therapy, diet and exercise.  I blinked hard, my mind a bit disoriented in the sudden fast paced turn of events.  For the past years I was consciously or unconsciously desiring for a reclaim of my life, a deepening of my spirituality, a mentor and finally some healing.  I have longed to know when it would happen, and for certain times, I have given up on it.

Yet here it is.  Right in front of me.

"Yes ma'am," I smiled wryly, "the whole program.  If you think that is the best for me, then I believe you."

(continued..)

Some good news.

I just came home from a learning session in the new job I landed in as an on-call trainer, and my boss said that she is considering me for lead trainer for the Metrobank coaching workshops. 

Naturally I am very excited about it; this is a new chapter in my life, something that I have always been dreaming about.  And yet, there are also some nervousness about it.  Well, some habits die hard.  But I'm working on it.

Wow.  I really pray that my training and coaching career get a good start this year. 

Thank you Lord, for the opportunity.

Yesterday, I did something I have not done for the longest time.  After a week of buying blessings for the family and loved ones, I decided to buy myself a gift. 

A toy.

Imagine that.

I went around Market Market, Serendra, and Bonifacio High Street with my wife and invaded  the toy shops.  Hobbes and Landes was overwhelmingly impressive with their array of  high end toys (imagine a balloon animal that costs 450 bucks!) and soon enough we were back in shorts and ponytails.  He he he. 

We couldn't wipe out the smile on our faces as we rummaged through the toy sale at Market Market.  Surprisingly, my wife found it difficult to pry her hands from a remote controlled car and wondered if she was a boy in her past life, while I set my sights to a group of boxed model kit collections. 

I thought about it long and hard.  After being involved with a financial group, I have become a bit stingy with the way I handled my money and always put needs over wants.  Savings has become a priority and investments short and long term goals.  But there I was, holding a toy with both hands as if the parcel will deteriorate the moment I let go of it. 

I bit my lip.  I can't buy it.  I don't really need it.

I sighed.  I turned and didn't realized that my wife was already beside me.

"Honey, I'll pay half the damage."

What I felt after buying it was sheer joy.  Piece by piece the toy came to life and for the very first time after a long while, I felt I completed something of value.  Even the process of construction was almost contemplative, that it could have been a spiritual experience.

Over the top you say.  Right.

Some people get a high while writing, doing stocks, scuba diving, looking at nature, working at their bonsai.  There's even a brother who prays the rosary while jogging and he says he feels God jogs with him. 

Why not while constructing a toy?  Because it's not about the toy.  It's about the child in us.  It's about the original self that is connected to the Higher Being.

"Unless one becomes like a child..."

I just came from the hospital.  It was found out that my uncle has colon cancer and was admitted yesterday.  The whole family was there, including his in-laws.  It's stage 4, the doctor said.  There will be chemotherapies and the family will go through a difficult stage in their life together.

Not only my uncle, but the whole family will need support.

Frankly, I want to help.  But during times like these, words fail me and I find myself supporting by gestures of handshakes and embraces.  I just don't know what to say.  I was never good at that. 

It also gives me an idea of where I stand in the family tree relationships.  But that's another story and this is not about me.

I just want to be there and give support in whatever way I can. 

We all end there.  But it's how we end it that counts the most.